Webs Wonder Design

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Like many other HSBC bank customers, I get phoned periodically from 0800 7838422 and sweet-talked by someone in HSBC telesales. Of course they won’t come straight out with it and say “I’m from telesales and I’m phoning to try and flog you an HSBC financial product”. No, they say they are phoning to see if you are happy with the HSBC service – just a courtesy call – very chatty and friendly, but you know the way it’s going. They are going to offer you something. Personal loan, insurance, the usual “financial products” stuff. I imagine they have your bank account details on one side of their screen and a list of HSBC products and services on the other. The job of this friendly caller is to find an opportunity, close a sale and secure a bonus.

Well I can be very chatty and friendly too if you catch me at the right phase of the moon. I got into a very interesting conversation a few months ago with a Scottish lad who was about to go on holiday to some exotic Island in the Caribbean. What he didn’t realize was that I was up for some sport, so the tasty bonus he was expecting to take with him as a result of his half hour endeavours selling me a short term personal loan to cover my overdraft was never going to materialize. I had no intention of signing the paper documents to confirm the deal a couple of days later. I just wanted to see what the real rate of interest would be after they added an arrangement fee plus loan protection insurance, and compare it with the interest I was already paying on my overdraft. When the contract arrived I did the sums. The real rate of interest (including the extras) on the personal loan I was being offered was 50% higher than on the overdraft it was meant to replace.

HSBC like other banks are probably not allowed to “cold call” non-customers, so they call their own customers and pretend to be customer services. Sell the suckers another product, no matter how inappropriate and expensive it might be. Providing the new product has one identifiable advantage, the three disadvantages are ignored.

I have no intention of moving to another bank as a result of my annoyance as I have a fantastic branch manager and I love HSBC’s Internet Banking. Also HSBC aren’t unique in this practice, so I’d probably be simply changing one call centre for another. I just wish they would stop wasting their time on me, because nowadays I never answer when the 0800 7838422 number appears on caller display, and when the answer phone cuts in, they never leave a message.

ABC – Always Be Closing …

I can only speculate on how these telesales operatives are trained and motivated. David Mamet had some experience and wrote it into his play “Glengarry Glen Ross” later made into a brilliant film. Here’s a little pep-talk from super real-estate salesman Alec Baldwin to the struggling sales staff – Jack Lemmon, Alan Arkin and Ed Harris – with Kevin Spacey the office manager hanging around in the background. For “real-estate” simply substitute “financial product” and kiss your money goodbye.

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Fel nifer o gwsmeriaid eraill banc HSBC, byddaf yn cael galwadau o bryd i’w gilydd gan y rhif 0800 7838422, sef rhif ffôn tîm gwerthu dros y ffôn HSBC. Wrth gwrs, ni fyddant yn dweud “Rydw i’n ffonio o’r tîm gwerthu dros y ffôn ac yn ceisio gwerthu un o gynhyrchion ariannol HSBC i chi”. Na, byddant yn dweud eu bod yn ffonio i weld a ydych yn fodlon gyda gwasanaeth HSBC – galwad gwrteisi yn unig – cyfeillgar a siaradus iawn, ond rydych chi’n gwybod beth yw diben yr alwad. Cynnig rhywbeth i chi. Benthyciad personol, yswiriant, y “cynhyrchion ariannol” arferol. Rydw i’n dychmygu bod manylion eich cyfrif banc ar un ochr o’u sgrîn a rhestr o gynhyrchion a gwasanaethau HSBC ar yr ochr arall. Tasg yr unigolyn cyfeillgar hwn yw chwilio am gyfle, gwerthu rhywbeth a sicrhau bonws.

Wel, rydw i’n gallu bod yn siaradus ac yn gyfeillgar iawn hefyd ar adegau. Ychydig fisoedd yn ôl, cefais sgwrs ddiddorol gydag Albanwr a oedd ar fin mynd ar ei wyliau i ynys Garibïaidd. Nid oedd e’n sylweddoli fy mod i’n cael hwyl, ac nad oedd y bonws braf yr oedd e’n disgwyl ei sicrhau ar ôl ei hanner awr ar y ffôn yn ceisio gwerthu benthyciad personol tymor byr i mi er mwyn talu fy ngorddrafft, yn mynd i ddigwydd. Nid oeddwn yn bwriadu llofnodi’r dogfennau papur a fyddai’n cyrraedd ychydig ddiwrnodau yn ddiweddarach, i gadarnhau’r cytundeb. Yr unig beth yr oeddwn i’n dymuno ei wneud oedd gweld beth fyddai’r gyfradd llog go iawn ar ôl iddynt ychwanegu ffi drefnu ac yswiriant i ddiogelu’r benthyciad, a chymharu hwn gyda’r llog yr oeddwn yn ei dalu ar fy ngorddrafft yn barod. Pan gyrhaeddodd y contract, edrychais ar y ffigurau. Roedd y gyfradd llog go iawn (gan gynnwys y nodweddion ychwanegol) ar y benthyciad personol a oedd yn cael ei gynnig i mi, 50% yn uwch na’r gorddrafft y byddai’n ei dalu.

Fel banciau eraill, mae’n siŵr nad oes gan HSBC yr hawl i ffonio unigolion nad ydynt yn gwsmeriaid iddynt yn ddiwahoddiad, felly byddant yn ffonio eu cwsmeriaid eu hunain, gan esgus ffonio o’r tîm gwasanaethau cwsmeriaid. Gwerthu cynnyrch arall i’r ffyliaid, heb ofidio pa mor amhriodol a drud y gallai fod. Os bydd gan y cynnyrch newydd un fantais amlwg, anwybyddir y dair anfantais.

Nid ydw i’n bwriadu symud i fanc arall gan bod gennyf reolwr cangen gwych ac rydw i’n hoff iawn o wasanaeth Bancio HSBC ar y Rhyngrwyd. Yn ogystal, nid yw HSBC yn unigryw yn hyn o beth, felly’r unig beth y byddai hyn yn ei olygu fyddai symud o un canolfan alwadau i un arall. Byddai’n dda gennyf pe baent yn rhoi’r gorau i wastraffu eu hamser arnaf i, gan na fyddaf fyth yn ateb galwadau wrth 0800 7838422 erbyn hyn, ac ni fyddant fyth yn gadael neges ar y peiriant ateb.

ABC – Always Be Closing…

Dim ond dyfalu sut y caiff y swyddogion gwerthu dros y ffôn hyn eu hyfforddi a’u cymell y gallaf i ei wneud. Roedd David Mamet wedi cael rhywfaint o brofiad o hyn, ac aeth ati i’w gynnwys yn ei ddrama o’r enw “Glengarry Glen Ross”, a chynhyrchwyd ffilm wych ohoni yn ddiweddarach. Dyma sgwrs annog gan Alec Baldwin, y gwerthwr eiddo, i’r staff gwerthu sy’n cael trafferthion – Jack Lemmon, Alan Arkin a Ed Harris – ac mae rheolwr y swyddfa, Kevin Spacey, yn y cefndir. Pan fydd yn siarad am “real-estate”, newidiwch hyn i “cynnyrch ariannol”, a dywedwch hwyl fawr wrth eich arian.

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