Webs Wonder Design

Like many other HSBC bank customers, I get phoned periodically from 0800 7838422 and sweet-talked by someone in HSBC telesales. Of course they won’t come straight out with it and say “I’m from telesales and I’m phoning to try and flog you an HSBC financial product”. No, they say they are phoning to see if you are happy with the HSBC service - just a courtesy call - very chatty and friendly, but you know the way it’s going. They are going to offer you something. Personal loan, insurance, the usual “financial products” stuff. I imagine they have your bank account details on one side of their screen and a list of HSBC products and services on the other. The job of this friendly caller is to find an opportunity, close a sale and secure a bonus.

Well I can be very chatty and friendly too if you catch me at the right phase of the moon. I got into a very interesting conversation a few months ago with a Scottish lad who was about to go on holiday to some exotic Island in the Caribbean. What he didn’t realize was that I was up for some sport, so the tasty bonus he was expecting to take with him as a result of his half hour endeavours selling me a short term personal loan to cover my overdraft was never going to materialize. I had no intention of signing the paper documents to confirm the deal a couple of days later. I just wanted to see what the real rate of interest would be after they added an arrangement fee plus loan protection insurance, and compare it with the interest I was already paying on my overdraft. When the contract arrived I did the sums. The real rate of interest (including the extras) on the personal loan I was being offered was 50% higher than on the overdraft it was meant to replace.

HSBC like other banks are probably not allowed to “cold call” non-customers, so they call their own customers and pretend to be customer services. Sell the suckers another product, no matter how inappropriate and expensive it might be. Providing the new product has one identifiable advantage, the three disadvantages are ignored.

I have no intention of moving to another bank as a result of my annoyance as I have a fantastic branch manager and I love HSBC’s Internet Banking. Also HSBC aren’t unique in this practice, so I’d probably be simply changing one call centre for another. I just wish they would stop wasting their time on me, because nowadays I never answer when the 0800 7838422 number appears on caller display, and when the answer phone cuts in, they never leave a message.

ABC - Always Be Closing …

I can only speculate on how these telesales operatives are trained and motivated. David Mamet had some experience and wrote it into his play “Glengarry Glen Ross” later made into a brilliant film. Here’s a little pep-talk from super real-estate salesman Alec Baldwin to the struggling sales staff - Jack Lemmon, Alan Arkin and Ed Harris - with Kevin Spacey the office manager hanging around in the background. For “real-estate” simply substitute “financial product” and kiss your money goodbye.

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